lent

They're the most important, and they're the hardest to sacrifice. Sometimes the words that leave my lips are moulded in such a flat line - long, deep and thin, you know?
Wishes, aspirations, useless daydreaming - they all contribute to time. I am antsy about time.
Time urgency is a strong issue to me; I am impatient. I worry about making full use of my time, and in that process, I waste time.
Once again, ironic isn't it?


Time - the indefinite continued process of existence and events in the past, present and future regarded as a whole.


***

LIFE CRISIS. DECLARING MAJOR IN ABOUT <3 WEEKS. <---- less than three weeks

shredded coconut

So, I got a haircut. Finally.

Sister: Yes yes, I'll cut it for you, I know it looks like a broomstick and I am painfully reminded of it every single time I see you.
Me: *mixed expressions of gratitude and... =.= (but really, more of gratitude)*

OMGGGG YESSSSSS. FINALLY. I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN.
*valiantly tosses hair about*

Imagined conversation with old high school friend: Dudeeee you don't look any different.....

Since now tying my hair up in a ponytail is still no elegant affair (from a broomstick to a fluffy rabbit tail), I've been walking around with my hair down.

NOBODY RECOGNIZED ME. Goodness. Enthusiastically giving greetings along with extremelyyyy energetic waving (you know me), only to receive blank stares.

Gina: Omg I couldn't recognize you. You look so different with your hair down.
Jane: OH MY GOD. GRACE. GRACE. YOU. YOU HAVE BANGS. Dude... you look so different with your hair down.
Lauren: Eeep! Grace! :D Your hair looks gorgeous!!! :D Aww you are so beautiful. :D (only because she's an absolute sweetheart and I texted her about my haircut).... but I wanted to see a picture. You didn't send me one. You stink.
Coco: Oooh Gwaaace you look different with your hair dawwhhhnnnnn..... :D
Comfort: OH. GRACE. Wow. I couldn't recognize you. I was wondering who this strange girl was, waving at me like that. You look so different with your hair down.
Chelsea: .... OH MY. Grace!!! Look at you! I could hardly recognize you. You look so different with your hair down.
Carlos: *says nothing*


(LOL. GUYS.)


YES YES I GET THE MESSAGE. *face palm* But naturally I feigned surprise at each (different and individually unique) reaction.

Did absolutely nothing today. :) I ONLY have one midterm this coming week (lol) so the weekend was all set up for party-time (lol).

Brian: Oooooh partaayy!!! *raises eyebrows with sneaky smile*

And by "party-time" I really meant sleeping and treating myself to nice food.

Wow that's my definition of a party. I grow old. I die.

Spent the day with Gina. We really wanted gourmet breads (i.e. anything non-dining hall food) but there was no direct bus to Great Harvest Bread Co (AMAZING BAKERY, with 8 USD loaves that are totally worth it) and we weren't sure if we could actually walk there (highways? We jaywalked the crazy Hydraulic intersection and I'm absolutely NOT going to do that ever again.)

The chicken noodle soup was... wait where's the soup... :(

Stuck with Panera.

We heart chai tea lattes

Unrelated note: I just discovered chai tea lattes!!! Spammed them at the Einstein Bros Bagels at Rice Hall while studying for materials and CS. SO GOOD. And I've spent an ungodly amount of plus dollars the past week. Like... over 50 bucks of plus dollars. I now have a lot of cereal in my room. The C Store is such a rip off. 1 box of kashi cereal for 7.15 USD!??!?!
UVa. WHAT is up with you.

So anyway, lunch was just meh, okay, but we knew we wanted these:

SWEET FROG!!!

The only reason we went to Barracks anyway. Discovered it's Gina's birthday tomorrow so I had to treat her to some!

MINE
Froyo flavors: original tart, irish mint, peanut butter, NY cheesecake.
Toppings: fruity pebbles (yay!), flax seeds (double yay!), shredded coconut (triple yay!)
And a couple of honey wheat pretzel sticks

THEY HAVE AWESOME TOPPINGS.

I mean, flax seeds? :D Coconut?!? Yay! They even have oat bran and wheat germ! Protein powder, juice poppers... those who know me know that I don't really like to put any toppings on my froyo.

But who can resist all these? :)

SO much better than Arch's!

Did you know SweetFrog stands for Fully Rely On God? :)
How nice.
I love supporting them. :) They have a self-serve concept, very much like the Tutti Frutti back home in Malaysia, in which they price your concoction based on weight.

I paiseh bring my own banana and slice into Tutti Fruittis back home. BANANAS ARE HEAVY OKAY.

Yumza.

18 different flavors! Taste-test frenzy!

Spring break is in a week! Isn't it crazy how quickly time flies?

We found these in Barnes and Noble:

Aren't these such a wonderful concept? Imagine going through the pages, seeing how your thoughts, dreams and aspirations change over the years, jotted down in neat dated sections.

Huh.

Addictive Foods

Okay fine, I admit (what are you talking about, I've never denied this): I'm quite the "health freak," if you get what I mean. I read labels diligently, lean towards vegetables (but so obviously totally appreciate meat, ...Fogo de Chao!! Fogo de Chao!!!! Texas Roadhouse!!), absolutely adore a wide variety of fruit (especially tropical - look at my ultimate food list), read up about stuff to feed my future children lol (Fiona: "Grace, honestly, you should just become a dietitian."), hardly ever eat deep fried foods, deeply dislikes grease, generally lean away from saturated fats (Anna: "Grace doesn't eat frosting right?")... that kinda stuff. So I've found a lot of generally healthy stuff to munch on, right? So, I'm like, super healthy right?
Wrong. Even healthy stuff, when eaten in excess, is unhealthy. But obviously, it's way better than bingeing on a bag of doritos for example, so all's fine. I'm human. I'm a teenager. I eat. I crave for foods. I forgive myself. I don't starve.

"The real poison is overdose."

- wise words by Mr Alex Wong, my high school chemistry teacher

This list. I've discovered, is very unforgiving.. All in, or all out.
Once you start, cannot stop.

1. Honey
ANYTHING with honey. Examples:
- Honey Maid Graham Crackers

Stupid maid. These are just like cookies.
NEVER BUY THIS, GRACE.
STEER CLEAR.

- Honey Nut Cheerios

Stoooopid nut cheerios (very mature, Grace)

- Utz' Honey Wheat Braided Twists (pretzel sticks)

THESE ARE SO AWESOME, CANNOT STOP. CANNOT STOP.
WHY IS THE PACKAGE SO BLOODY HUGE.

- Oats and Honey Any kind of granola (technically speaking, granola can't even be deemed as healthy in the first place)

Granola. It's like eating deconstructed cookies, honestly.

- This stupid masterful "nutrient-packed" dessert I concocted

Hello. You've seem this before. =.=

2. Peanut butter
ANYTHING with peanut butter. Examples:
- Kashi GoLean, crunchy chocolate peanut granola bars

Sigh, granola bars and their reputation.
Anyway, this is one of the less damaging granola bars.

- Elvis sandwiches (PB&B)

Yes yes, you've seen this before...

- This stupid masterful "nutrient-packed" dessert I concocted

Plain (so it's not bad) Cheerios and applesauce, just for kicks.

3. Cheese
- Ganja cheesecake

Dude, this was a Bailey's cheesecake.
BEST. THING. EVER. Baked by my talented brother-in-law.
MY talented brother-in-law.
MINE.

- Cream cheese (With the bagels, just don't start. Once you start slathering cream cheese on your Bodos, you crave them the entire week.)

Bodo's: Lox and (scallion) cream cheese, mmmm

- This stupid masterful "nutrient-packed" dessert I concocted

Notice the bowl got bigger.
It's not even dessert anymore. This was my meal itself.

So okay, breakdown of this strange dish I've been eating every single (week)day. It probably needs a name.
- Nutty and Cheesy Sweet Elvis Explosion!
- Texture Extravaganza! ---> Smooth, chewy, firm, sticky!
- PB&B in the Sweet Mild Cheese Attack!
- Humongous Protein Bombardment
- Nightmare for the Lactose Intolerant

(I think I try to study too much till it's unproductive. I'm so bored.)

Actually, this concoction is really healthy. I mean, look at the stats:
- (Natural) Peanut butter (danger food noted above): High in protein, healthy fats (helps with satiety), yet low in saturated fat. Only thing about this is portion size. Peanut butter is extremely dense. You absolutely CANNOT overdose on peanut butter.
- Cottage cheese (an extremely bland mild cheese, looks disgusting, interesting texture): Very high in protein, calcium, vitamin D, iron, naturally low in fat
- Banana (peeeel banana, peel peel banana): High in potassium, vitamin B, totally helps you poop, just saying (i.e. high in fiber). By the way, I don't know about you, but I love my bananas all spotty. Fun-fact!
- Honey (danger zone): Natural sugar (The cravings totally make sense. I mean, you get an instant sugar rush, and you kinda wanna keep that up...)
- Occasional (let's hope it's unsweetened) applesauce: Contains antioxidants, flavonoids...
- Occasional sprinkle of cheerios: Decent source of whole grains...

See? And they all contain tryptophan. Happy serotonin-inducing chemicals.

Happyyyyyyy!!!!

The color yellow is a happy color.

This also probably means that I'm (suddenly) eating a LOT of protein. Whoops... it all started when I realized I wasn't getting enough calcium and protein. Cottage cheese is readily available in my dining halls, so that was perfect.
I'd love to go for a run in the gym (wholly influenced by Lauren, just saying... and besides, the 'running culture' here in UVa is just way too active), which actually puts the protein to good use, but with two mid-terms last week, and two mid-terms this week... :'(

But anyway the body has a natural way of balancing things out. Like yesterday my appetite completely vanished. Completely. Strangely. SADLY. It was Mardi Gras!!! :( Pancake day! Fat Tuesday! I didn't eat for 21 hours.

21 hours!!! Wah. What is this.

Then today I bought evil stupid maid graham crackers. Must stop being so irresponsible and eat properly. Sigh.

Oh yes, and of course....

4. Chocolate.
This one is so obvious it doesn't even need examples. :P
A small square of dark chocolate.
A plentiful source of antioxidants, and makes you a ton happy.

Hard to stick to just a small square though, duhhh.

But just watch out... 

Support fair trade!!

calling

"Yeah, so I went to China for three months without contact with the outside world. It was hard, you know? I had a boyfriend, and how was I supposed to be in a relationship when there's no... relation, get what I mean? But that's besides the point, the four of us really bonded... and without the chance of being homesick, we got to focus hard on what we were sent to do."

Without the chance of being homesick.





"But if I were to do it again, I don't think I'd do it with the isolation though."




No isolation?

Constant, constant meditation in another realm. A dangerous disposition, an unremitting 40%.

Uncommitted attendance; unsatisfied souls.
What if I never had this chance? Pushed to develop, instead of balancing in this strange half-world.
That was the only reason I was hesitant of coming.

Hesitant of my own blessing. What am I to make of this thought?

Ridiculous.

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, 

for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

- Philippians 4:11

pairs of shoes

Had double mid-terms (back-to-back from 9-10, then 10-11) last Wednesday... so typical me woke up at the crack of dawn to worry about them and stuff whatever remaining info I could dig out into my brain. This is such a ridiculous habit. Rest is way more important. 

But!!! I woke up to this! :) Opened my blinds to the most amazing sunrise ever.

Faint orange glow of hope

"Life is a great sunrise." - Vladimir Nabokov

It was a great sign, I thought. Then look at my tweet and my mental clarity for that moment...

HAHA. Epitome of tiredness and worry.

***

Why worry?

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

- Matthew 11:28-30

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.

Not as the world gives do I give to you.

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

- John 14:27

Anyway, check this out:

This is what I stare at everyday. Right outside my window.

Forsaken pair of shoes

Always wondered which poor soul had this prank played on him. I mean, a good ol' pair of running shoes. Perfectly seasoned, maybe of sentimental value? To have somebody do this to his belongings against his will - was he angry? Was he compensated?

A multitude of shoes hanging like ornaments on another tree...

Then it occurred to me that they did it on purpose, as a way to "leave their mark." Meh.
They're really obvious now that it's winter and the trees are bare.

Haiku #1:

Chills, barren trees stand.

Apathetic, oblivious, 

To time urgency.

chop house; (useless) study break update

There are not enough hours in the morning. My best study times are in the morning at Runk (but only during weekdays though, brunch times in the weekends are madhouse), perched on one of the hard benches by the giant windows, where the sunlight streams freely in. And I get unlimited access to coffee/green tea/water!!  ...ignoring weird stares from the (kinda cute) guy at the entrance for running to the bathroom every freaking half hour....

And the occasional introduction to a new catchy tune, thanks to the radio station they play.
Although today they played 'Baby Got Back'... you know, that song that goes "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

Stuff sprawled everywhere. Rainy day...

Yeah. Come to think of it. I spend at least two and a half hours in Runk every single weekday.

My favorite tea: green with lemongrass hints.

By the way! College food just got so much better. Apparently Virginia Tech has the second best dining hall food in the nation.

Screenshot above taken from here

I guess UVa wants to match up with them Hokies, huh.

Slew of veggie mush

To be fancier, Runk and O'Hill introduced this new thing called 'The Chop House' which features steaks, salmon, and other (steakhouse-like) stuff for an extra 5 bucks (with a meal swipe), which in real life is daylight robbery, but since you already paid for the meal plan and you're stuck with a ton of plus dollars that you would have otherwise spent on (WAY) overpriced gum, cereal (a box of cheerios for SEVEN BUCKS what is this), and Pepperidge Farm Pirouettes (only for my sister Rachel), all these seem like great deals.

Side note: I chew so much gum, I've developed solid cheek muscles, NO JOKE.

Mmmm New York strip steak with
a (clean) baked sweet potato and a vegetable medley

YUMMM.... 

I love the freaking sweet potato.

Albert: *disdainful* Oh my gosh, (ew) you're so spoiled....

Lauren after her run :)
Salmon, wild rice, and... cottage cheese...

Filet mignon, medium rare. Yeah, we're pretty (very) spoiled.
Don't think I've ever had filet mignon before this...

Me: Filet Mignon! Jinggggg borrow phone I forgot my cameraaaa!!!! :D

Jing Yong: Omg. Just. Eat. The. Freaking, Meat... *fishes out iPhone from pocket*

I don't get this that often by the way. They're only open for dinners, so I'm stuck with the veggie mush.

***

After MSE today, I was so angry. I'm telling myself, I'll never do this again.
I'm gonna push forward.

pseudo-game theory

We played a game on our discussion yesterday to illustrate the effectiveness of sustainability. We fished for popcorn on a plate using straws (use your imagination), and in each round, we only needed two to survive. But that was easy, just getting two - were we supposed to get more? Why not, if we can?
I ended up getting about ten, that I never ate. Our group failed to sustain itself. I felt so ashamed.

TA: Yeah, unfortunately our session ends right at lunch time so everyone's hungry for popcorn...

Earning enough just to get by; eating enough just to get by; living enough just to get by. Why then do we push ourselves?

What makes us happy?

I need to push myself, but not for my own profits because that's not where happiness lies, am I right?

auscultation

Healing, for strength and not for drunkenness.

Her eyes are large, far apart - smooth wide curves, deep-folded are her double eyelids. The rest of her is delicate, her face disproportionally large for her elf-like body, her nose so tiny and centered between well-defined cheekbones. She's tall, yet when she kneels, she emits a kitten-like quality. She never dressed up. I thought her very pretty, but far from the quintessential, archetypal way, because nobody has outrightly agreed with me (something I found strange at the beginning). I thought her so, because I know somewhere deep inside her there's a form of insecurity that I found familiar. Deep in her eyes I sense that kind of sadness I was au fait with.

Au courant. She was flitting.

An agitation.

A flitting bird, a nibbled cookie.

old fire

Guys, I repeated it five times.

SO pathetic, okay?

Taken off F-D's blog

***

*precariously waves around bag of chocolates while talking really fast*
*pause*
Me: Sir, is it okay if I pass these around? (thinking it'll serve as a great visual/sensual addition to my topic at hand, was NOT bribing them fyi)
TA: Of course, I was just about to ask you to do that myself, with you waving that around in that tantalizing manner...

Me: OKAY *rips bag* so! When you enjoy these tasty morsels *slowly blanking out, random blonde girl walks into classroom asking for something completely irrelevant*... be sure to... KEEP IN MIND CHILD TRAFFICKING!


***

Hello everyone! :)

Ice queen of Narnia takes over the Gooch-Dillard labyrinth...

Every twig, bump and crevice lightly encrusted with a thin
layer of ice... how delicate...

"Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice."

- Ethel Mermen

This was about three weeks ago, when Charlottesville seemed much colder than it is now. I don't know, my senses might be getting numb towards (the cold).

By the way, I discovered I ruined my favorite Pull&Bear hoodie by washing it under hot/cold. :'(


Anyway, remember my chocolate banana cake? I should never make it ever again. Too addictive. Like Honey Maid graham crackers, and cheerios without milk.

This past week has been so busy (or at least my mind was always on a constant work-overload panic mode even when it.. well... maybe wasn't exactly) but I guess that's what papers and essays always reduce me to. The actual writing takes about forty minutes. It's just all that pausing and over-thinking that drives me nuts.

Don't like. Must change.

But despite the business and the (initial) dreading, the week went by so pleasantly. :)

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

Valentine's Day is coming up, (not that I'm particularly excited about it for any particularly special reason, nor am I saying: screw it!!! Boycott V-day, let's stay in and watch movies all night long!!!!), BUT the guys in Chi Alpha (or rather, XA, not... "ha? what is this chee-alpha?") organized a special dinner event for the girls at Eunoia (this "artsy" place) in which they cooked!! (i.e. a WHOLE lot of pasta lol, which was very delicious by the way :) )...

Yes, I totally took advantage of the steamed vegetables,
which took up like, 3/4 of the plate...
.... and Lauren stole my bread in the end, lol.

Joy's plate: They made pink heart-shaped pancakes for dessert!!
Imagine guys mixing up that pink batter...

It was nice, just getting to know more people in XA over a meal, and seeing everybody all dressed up. 

Chelsea: .............. OH. OMG GRACE. I COULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

(another) Grace (who is Chinese with limited English vocab) : Wow Grace. You... actually have... 

Me: ..... Hmm?.... 

Other Grace: .... bones up here.... (THIS WAS AWKWARD)

Me: Uhhh??

Other Grace: .... like... I didn't know you're actually.. more skinny.... lots of bones up here....

Me: UHHHHH.......

Yes yes, nobody in UVa has ever seen me in something other than a hoodie and leggings/jeans (and no need to say that they're the SAME pair of jeans/leggings/hoodie everyday....)

Cardboard artwork decor on all the walls....

The boys were very cute. They took all our coats (and managed to sort out three huge 'coat mountains' - most of them black and long... you know how preppy these UVa kids are anyway), floated in and out of the dining area asking us every three minutes if we needed more water/lemonade (but somehow ignored Blake's need for water EVERY time lol)...

Me: Lauren. Think of how the bathroom will be absolutely CROWDED later.
Lauren: LOOLLLL

*Side thought: It's funny how the physical appearance of people changes over time, when you get to know them more. They appear to be 2-dimensional the first time you meet them, but as you get to know their personalities more, certain variants of shades and colors start developing on their features and they begin to look different. A special kind of depth is added, and you start to relate their character to those little unique physical traits they have. It's a strange kind of beauty, one that sparkles in unexpected ways when they... finally become 3-dimensional.

The cosy Eunoia lounge...
Awkward moment when they blasted "Don't Stop Believing"...

And on a final note.....

Whoa. Dillard girlllsssssss, I seeeee you! ;)

bulletproof

I think I might rebel for this one: Coffee.

Coffee makes me really happy (well duh) and I don't know if it will diminish over time (it will obviously diminish over time), but it might be a price (what price? what? huh?) I'm willing to pay every now and then. (?)
Won't get ADDICTED to coffee (this reeks of naiveness), but I'll drink it in moderation (lol what does this mean anymore) when I get tired of tea. (tea?)

*looks at above paragraph* Wow. I really know how to mock myself. No but honestly, I'm going to do this in moderation.

*during XA retreat*
Emcee: Early in the morning, now who among you are coffee drinkers, eh? I can tell who you are, you're the ones all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, all smiles and ready to take on the world....

Sigh, after an amount of time at something, if you didn't start it out in the right frame of mind, you just end up rolling around on a prickly, mind-numbing plateau....
This honestly just means being far away from junk food with pumping music flowing in my ears.

Yes, unfortunately I'm one of those people who needs stuff like this to keep me sane on imaginary, number-less maths.

random black girl in library: Excuse me, your music is too loud *points at my earphones*

It's sad, isn't it? I need distractions now, or else I'd be distracted. The irony of that?
Distractions keep me from being distracted.
I'm sad with the way this turned out.


By the way, if you say 'black people' here, people get incredibly offended, but if you say 'asian people' here, people just... laugh. I guess it's like how we always bully and make fun of indian people back home, all in good harmless humor.









I want to go out for a run.

p.s. Please, no racial offense intended above.

protein and potassium

By the way, I concocted yet another awesome banana-involved dessert today!
This time with cottage cheese and a nice drizzle of honey on top. The smooth peanut butter on the side is a must. SUCH a good idea. If only I had a couple of drops of rum to add to it, that would have tasted amazing.

PROTEIN AND POTASSIUM (Y)

Let's hope it helped with my lame 40-minute elliptical workout which I was sweating buckets for in the gym today.

Sigh. That is all for now. (as my perfectionist nature struggles with essays. Honestly. Math isn't like this because there's just a flat, uncompromising, compassionless answer that's either clearly right or clearly wrong. Math is without compassion.)

***

Short thought.

Won't it be wonderful if people could naturally just attract positive thoughts when they are feeling negative?

So simple?

Inappropriate application of physical laws?

***

:)

peel....

Guiseeee, this is my latest obsession:

Economical little package.

Jingye: IS THAT ALLL YOU'RE EATING?!?! *looks at own plates* OMG I ADMIRE YOU!

^ She obviously doesn't know how dense and calorie-laden peanut butter is.

Bursting (!!!) with deliciousness. (!!!)

THICK, as you can see.

Nora: HOW IS THAT UNHEALTHY LA? I ate chips for dinner.

Well if you eat the same thing all the time...

This is serious la, this is how Elvis Presley freaking died LOL (other than you know... drugs...)
Well, his version also had like... bacon and was buttered on the panini grill or skillet or something of that sort...
College student. No such luxury as a panini grill.

ONE STICK OF BUTTER!?!??!!

No sticks of butter, at least won't die like this.

Rachel: Stop being so against butter. Nothing is wrong with butter, as long as you're not using it like Paula Deen...

ANTI-BUTTER BIB

Before she badgers me again, I'm REALLY just mocking myself, just saying.

...

... I am on a banana-roll.
One fine day, Runk had incredibly overripe mushy bananas with about a million brown spots on them that no one wanted to touch (Lauren: I don't know about you, but I like my bananas firm, you know...?) and had a brilliant idea.

Placed my browning bananas in the corridor, outside my room,
when I could no longer stand the smell...

Brilliant idea that totally STANK up my room. Buried them in plastic bags and baked them when I finally went over to my sister's house (to borrow her micro-USB port. Lost my phone charger again, typical me).

RIPE AND FALLING APART

Decreased the amount of sugar but
1 cup of sugar is still a scary thing to look at fyi

Doubled the muffin recipe in a springform pan...

butter-less oil-less incredibly CHOCOLATE-Y BANANA CAKE!!!

YUM...

Legit brownie-taste.

Full of healthy fats.

By the way, heard of the guy who eats 30 bananas a day? (who also does like, 24 hour solo mountain bike races)

He goes by the moniker of Durianrider, and his "fruititionist" girlfriend's name is FreeLee. Fun-Fact.

What?

Banana art.

..... Okay ANYWAY, I have a paper due tomorrow!!!!

Disclaimer: Elvis photos, butter bib, flashing banana cartoon, and banana art pictures are taken from the web, and are not produced by me.


P.S. YES, THAT'S A RAMBUTAN MAGNET ON THE WHITEBOARD ON MY DOOR! :D